We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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