I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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