I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
