I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
