it wasn't lemon gatorade
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
