I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
