You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
