i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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