Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
