I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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