Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
