Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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