I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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