Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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