I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
That was before I lit my hair on fire
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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