If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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