Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
