every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
