You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
