I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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