is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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