I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
