I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I showed him my bush... on skype.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
