well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
