pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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