You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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