That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
