Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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