I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Brb crying the tears of my youth
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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