Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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