i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
