the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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