this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
