it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
