mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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