can we get nightvision for the apartment?
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
