I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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