Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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