it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
