So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
