really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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