if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Randomize
