Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
