Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
