More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Blow job season was short but glorious.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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