i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
