hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
