I wish I could punch you in the face.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
