She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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