i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
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